Little Women Review
By: Sam Capelli
As I was sitting in class on our first day back from break, Mr. Giacoletto had the class sign up for the articles they would post this month. I had no idea what to write about, and that’s when my good pal, Maddax Ball, suggested a movie review. I then thought that it would be funny if I reviewed a movie that a teenage guy wouldn’t typically watch. I settled on Little Women. I had to watch the movie in secret so nobody would catch me in the act, and to be honest, I don’t get the hype. Trust me, I know a lot about women, so I know that movies like Little Women and Mamma Mia are like sports and video games to guys, but I couldn’t get into it.
People enjoy books and movies when they can relate to the main character, but as an 18 year old dude, I find it hard trying to relate to Jo March. Don’t get me wrong, there is a male lead in the movie named Laurie (interesting name for a dude), but I have an opinion on him that I’ll get to later. Now there are five opinions I have about the film, and I would like to talk about them now.
Opinion 1: Amy is a Poopyhead
I can’t be the only one who thinks Laurie marrying Amy is weird. The equivalence of this is if Grady broke up with Amelia Reinker, and she started dating Griffin. Weird. And to be honest, there are words I want to use to describe Amy’s personality that I can’t say because this is a family friendly school paper.
Opinion 2: Emma Watson? Yes please!
If every guy had to watch Little Women, I’m sure they’d all agree that the highlight of the film is Emma Watson. My inner six year old self was reminded of my first celebrity crush, Hermione Granger. I’m sure everyone else would agree with me on that. There are few women who every guy has a crush on at some point in their life, and Emma Watson is at the top of that list.
Opinion 3: Laurie and Amy? Ew
Even if Joe doesn't love Laurie, he’s still too good for Amy. Once again I find myself writing about my hatred for Amy. Laurie is a nice, polite, rich boy who treats Jo like she’s his sister. On the other hand, Amy spends her time being the worst sister possible. Seriously, the only thing Amy is worse at than art is being a good sister. I’ve never been so infuriated with a character in a movie before.
Opinion 4: I Do Not Care About Beth Dying
Sure, I’ll admit it was sad seeing Beth die, but do I care? No. Beth doesn’t have nearly enough screen time for me to care. It’s like that one character every tv show has. They die for the “plot,” but nobody really cares. The writers just need something to keep people on the edge of their seats. Now if it was my glorious queen Emma Watson, then we’d have a problem. Even Amy would’ve been a good choice for a character’s death. Picture it, Jo rejects Laurie and while she’s pondering if their friendship is dead, Amy dies. Then, she’ll only have Laurie and she’ll realize that he’s awesome.
Opinion 5: Laurie is a Little (You know what)
I know I just fought for Laurie in my previous opinion, but he’s still a wimp. He was friends with Jo for a long time, and he NEVER made a move. The night they first met, where they danced outside on the deck is romantic (at least to women). (I think). I’m sure if Laurie asked to see her again she would’ve said yes. But instead of being a man and taking what he wants, Laurie plays the role of the nice guy and he befriends Jo instead. Once a girl puts you in the friend-zone, there is no getting out (I think). (Don’t ask me, it's not like I know anything about women). I would rate Little Women a 7/10. It’s a good movie, but I can’t relate to it, and the characters stink (Besides Emma Watson). If for some reason Emma Watson reads this, hit me up via school email.