Letting Go Of The Past

By Mercy Buck

All he ever wanted was to make his father happy. Anthony has never been the same since his dad left him, calling Anthony a failure and saying how embarrassed he was of him. That left Anthony's life in shambles and broke him in so many ways he could never be fully repaired. Chaos followed him wherever he went; he didn’t even mean for it to happen, it was just the result of his actions. Having grown up without a father figure, he has been chasing approval all his life, leading him to do things he normally would never do and leaving him more vulnerable than ever. He has been on the move since he turned sixteen, when he ran away from the boy's home. His mother tragically died when he was ten, which sent him through the foster system but his behavior was so bad they sent him to the boys home. 

But that was in the past. Now nineteen years old, he was currently working his day job at the grocery store and he could barely keep his eyes open. Stocking shelves and cleaning in the back was such a tiring job, and it bored him to death. This was the fourth job Anthony had in a year; he had been fired from all three of his previous ones. Once his shift was over, he clocked out and hopped on his bike to ride to his tent under a bridge. But before he could make it out of the parking lot a gray car pulled to a stop in front of him, cutting off his path. After just finishing a long shift, Anthony wasn’t really in the mood for some pranksters. 

He threw his hands over his head and said “Bro, move.” in an irritated voice. The window rolled down revealing a man who looked to be about forty years old with a scruffy beard and dark eyes. 

“Anthony?” the man asked. 

“Yes? How do you know my name?” Anthony replied. 

“It has been a long time since we’ve seen each other, I’ve been looking for you for a very long time; I made some mistakes in my past that I am not proud of.” 

Confused, Anthony asked, “Who are you?” 

The man looked at him and sighed. 

“My name is Irving and I am your father”

Irving took him to his house, it was in the nicer part of town where rich people lived and where crime wasn’t a thing. Anthony looked around in wonder at all the fancy houses; he had never seen anything like it. They pulled up to a white brick house with modern designs all over the place, the lawn was green and freshly cut. They hopped out of the car and walked up the marble steps to the door and walked inside. 

“Welcome to the casa.” Irving said. Anthony looked at all the nice furniture and the fancy lights. 

“Wow, this is super nice.” he said. “Too bad you never shared any of this with us.” 

Irving looked pained. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, like I said, I made some mistakes. I’m trying to make that up as best I can.” 

An awkward pause followed. 

“How did you find me anyways?” Anthony asked. 

“It’s a long story, but we have a lot of time, unless you are planning on going somewhere.” Irving said with a small grin. “That night when I left you in a, uh, rude manner; I was in a drunken stupor, I wasn’t in my right mind. I drove off and didn’t stop until I ran out of gas. The next day I realized what I had done, all the things I had said to you and your mother; I was too scared and embarrassed to come back and apologize. So I started over. I began to work all kinds of odd jobs until I saved enough money to afford a place to stay other than my car and got a full time job. My boss saw how much I needed this job and gave me a chance with two conditions. One, I quit drinking and go to rehab. Two, I reconcile with my family. We became good friends and he gave me great advice and often helped me when I needed it. Sadly he got sick and passed away. What I didn’t know is that he had made me his predecessor for the company before he died. I was so shocked by what he had done for me, I became even more motivated to keep my promises to him. I worked hard and went to rehab every day until I quit for good. Now I had to reconcile with you and your mom. Firstly I went to search for your mother; I asked everyone back where we lived if they knew what had happened. I was heartbroken to find out that she overdosed about a year ago.” 

Anthony’s throat became dry.  His relationship with his mom had declined when his dad left. He still loved her and she loved him, but times got hard and it was difficult for them to express their feelings. When he got moved to the boys home, that was the last time they saw each other. It had been 3 years since he had heard of her. Irving broke the silence. 

“I’m sorry, Anthony, I know I am responsible for this.” 

Anthony just bowed his head, holding back tears. 

Irving went on, “It took me like three weeks to find you. You would not believe how much courage I needed to come up to you. I guess the hard  part is now.”

 He took a deep breath. “Will you forgive me? You can stay at my place or you can go back to where you’re staying now, but you will always be welcome here. I realize you might be angry or hurting or both, and I understand if you can’t forgive me right now or ever.” 

Anthony hated his father for what he had done. He might never fully heal from the wounds he had caused and he was deeply saddened that he had lost his mother. He could never forgive his father. But the man standing in front of him was not his father; he was different, he had changed. This man was legitimately sorry and was trying to fix his mistakes. Everyone deserved a second chance, including him. 

“Yes. I forgive you.” Anthony said. The words came out shakily, but they were said. Letting go of the past was easier said than done, but it was necessary.